Death at the hands of the mind PT 1

It wasn’t to long ago that I lost a loved one to a bout of depression. It’s a terrible disease. As I had posted earlier the  mind is one of the most powerful muscles in the body. You either control it or it controls you. There is no in between.

A lot went through my mind after her death. The biggest question was why. When I had met this woman she was one of the most cheerful people in the world. Her attitude matched mine. I remember the night we met like it was yesterday. She sat there talking to me kissing her arm saying attitude is gratitude and I love myself. She had the most beautiful blue eyes, they were crystal clear. Skin so smooth without a blemish on it. She was a tri-athlete, raw foodest, I mean seriously she was everything a man could want. We talked for hours and exchanged numbers at the end of the evening. Now throughout the conversations we had over the course of  time we were together, she had expressed to me that she had went through a bout of depression when she was getting divorced from her husband, but that had been a couple years earlier. I related it to my situation and was very understanding about it. Long story short and about 6 months later there was something different about her. Her attitude had changed a little. Her personality had changed. She started to withdraw herself from me. But there was something more to it. Something I just couldn’t put my finger on. Now thinking I had suffered a bout of depression through my divorce. I know I withdrew myself from other but that didn’t leave me to walk away from people, in fact it made me want to express what was on my mind even more. It was me wanting to basically get people to pity me. The situation I dealt with her was complete and total withdraw. Not wanting to talk what so ever. One day she would want to talk to me and another she would not even answer the phone. As she started to go into this she told me that the bout of depression that she had when she going through the divorce with her husband made her have thoughts of suicide. Now honestly I have never had thoughts like that. I mean I couldn’t even imagine not being here let alone leaving loved one’s behind. Our talks became less and less and I would always try to point out the positive to her life rather then her wanting to talk about the negative. She would laugh a little on the phone. I could always tell when she smiled and talked at the same time because there was a change in the tone of her voice so I knew that what ever I was saying was making her happy for the moment. Over the course of a few weeks our talks became less and less but she would always say the same thing. ” I have to beat this Joe . ” It’s true she had to beat it. She had told me one time that the mind was the most powerful muscle in our body. This is where I get that statement from. How true.

I hadn’t heard from her in several weeks and ironically enough I had been looking through some old things or ours, cards, dates we had planned out, etc… and there it was. The phone tone I had programmed for her when she called. I almost didn’t answer. I took a deep breath and answered.

The call was about 2 hours and an expression of love on her end and understanding on mine. I didn’t want to hang up. I let her talk and speak her mind and all she kept saying was I have to beat this.

It was a sad 3 months from that phone call on out. The talks were always sporadic, never knew if she was going to answer the phone or not or if she was going to call or not. The talks were always the same, she had to beat it. Now I couldn’t understand any of it. I was pulled into something far bigger then anything I could comprehend. The human mind.

The human mind. How scary. Were truly just now starting to discover how it works and truthfully how powerful it is.

3 months after that call came a fateful day. She wanted to see me. She had moved into her mothers house and taken a leave of absense from work. She had asked if I would come over. I hadn’t seen her for months. I had just kept in contact via phone and I would send her inspirational messages via text. Approx 5 mins befor arriving to her mothers house I called and let her know I was almost there. I pulled down the street and drove slow. I was so nervous, I was shaking. My hands were sweating and my pulse jumped when I was about 5 houses away. There she was standing at the door with her mother right behind her. I barely pulled in the driveway and slammed my car into park and jumped out to race toward her as she ran from the door to meet me half way. It will be one of the most memorable things that has ever happened to me. It was like a scene right out of the movies. She ran into my arms crying like a newborn baby. I could see her mom and dad standing in the door both crying and myself I was doing the same thing. We grabbed each other and held on so tight as if we were falling from a building. Perhaps we were. She buried her face into my chest and I wrapped my arms around her to not let go. To let her know that I was there and that I was going to save her from anything. She looked up at me and said those 3 magic words. I love you. I looked at her and whispered I know, I love you to.

Something was different. Something had changed about here. She looked up at me again. Here eyes weren’t clear, her skin was different. She had expressed to me that she couldn’t eat or sleep, but I looked at her and I knew something was going on in her mind that had chemically changed her.

After all the tears and hugs, saying hello to her mom and dad, she and I took a walk. She had expressed to me that she was seeing a counselor and that she was on medication. She had also expressed that it wasn’t working and that she couldn’t  sleep and had not slept in weeks. Our walk was to a stream near her mothers house. By the time we got there she had told me things I just couldn’t understand. I was empathetic with her. I could not sympathize for I had never been through what she was going through. All I knew is I would stand by her side and walk what ever path she was walking.                                             To be continued…

Positive Thinking

Why do people thrive on negative attention:

I was recently able to view a situation where a particular person thrived on negative attention. Were all guilty of it, but this really took me back to my own situation when I was getting divorced several years ago. I was more astonished at my own state of mind more then anything. My actions were horrific. I mean seriously who wants to sit and listen to that negative person? What state of mind are we in at that point when all we can talk about is something negative.

When we focus in on the negative, the more we talk about the negative and the more negative is drawn to us. It’s a constant cycle. Imagine this. A whirlpool, starting off at the top going around slow and the longer your in it the faster you start to spin until you can’t control it any longer. I call it circling the drain. During my divorce I was in this pattern. The more I talked about it to people the worse my divorce became or so it seemed. No longer did I have friends because all I could do is talk about negative. People became tired of this. Until I realized that anything negative that was happening in my life was based solely on myself and my thoughts. I was in a state of depression. Sad but true.

What changed:

Waking up one day I realized that I had made myself into someone I wasn’t. I had taken months off work. Lived in my own self pity. No one to talk too. No one would listen.

I sat at the counter and said to myself, this isn’t who I am. I am the person that is the life of the party. People use to want to be around me. So I asked myself what I could do to bring myself back to the person I use to be. It was honestly all to easy. I quit talking about it. Not saying the thoughts weren’t there but just quit talking about it. I would visit friends or family or they would visit me and ask how things are going. I would say ” Things are Great! ” then they would ask about the divorce, and I would tell them hey it’s a divorce, no big deal and I really don’t feel like talking about it anymore. It was truly that simple for me. I would keep myself occupied with things to do, places to go and people to see. After a couple of weeks I realized it wasn’t all that bad.

The feeder:

Looking back at all of this I found that people fed the negative. It was drama in my life, and gossip for other people to talk about. What happens is something in your life goes wrong and friends or family look at it like this. Thank god it’s not happening to me. You may tell a relative and that person may tell their spouse and then the cycle continues. it’s the Oh my god did you here what happened to Jane phenomenon. You have someones ear for the moment, but the problem is they have their own life to live.  Your further in the whirlpool of depression, so now you turn to other people that haven’t heard it and you then tell them  your problems… Do you see where I’m going with this.

If asked what is the strongest muscle in our body it should be easily answered. Our brain. Sometimes overpowering our conscience awareness spinning us out of control. Taking control back can sometimes be easier then we think.

Taking Control:

This means taking control of you life and your thoughts. For some this is easier said then done. Regardless of the situation though we can always take control of these two things. For instance, taking control of your life means not letting things get to you that may often do. Make a list of things that you think control your life and ask yourself what you can actually do to control them. ie… Money, often times people think they can not control this and you might be saying I only make so much but reverse the thought process, rather then say I don’t make enough say to yourself what can I do to spend less. Another example is time. All to often I hear people say I don’t have enough time during the day. Seriously who is in control of your day? You or the clock. Instead of maxing yourself out with things to do make the list half the length and then you won’t feel so far behind. Relieve some of that stress.

Now take control of your thoughts. I wrote earlier in another blog to relax. Have you ever tried to take a nap and your mind was still racing? This is not uncommon. Take the time to breath and concentrate solely on your breaths. Listen to your heart beat. Cycle yourself down. Now remember we would never have been in the position were in unless we thought about it to begin with. If I’m ever running behind schedule I’ll say to myself there is a universal reason for it. Remember there is a reason for everything. To keep myself in a happy state of mind I’ll often watch the funniest video I can before I go to bed and do the same the first thing when I wake up in the morning. This keeps me on track to have a great attitude which keeps me in control of my thoughts and if I do find myself letting my thoughts get the best of me, I’ll stop and say to myself enough. I’m in control now. I’m consciously aware of my thoughts and what I’m thinking. It’s taken some time to do this but I have won this battle. Another thing I learned to do is forgive. This let’s me be in control of my positive thinking. This keeps me from thinking negatively about a person or situation. Given time we can control our entire life and train oneself to think positively all the time. It’s totally up to you though. Remember no one else is in control of your life besides you.

You are only what you think. We live, we learn.

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Enjoying Life

I believe the key to life is to be able to realize that we need to relax. It was best described on a web site I read that we have a tendency to not allow ourselves to do this. It’s very unhealthy. I feel it’s very selfish of one’s self to not give the body and mind a break. Remember our body is like a temple and we need to maintain it. Have you ever found yourself trying to lay down for a mid afternoon nap and your mind tells you that you need to get up and do something? Be the controller and not the controlled. Living your life does not always mean you have to be on the go.

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